There are a lot of misconceptions floating around about adult spanking. It's little wonder if you think about it. Spanking is simply not something about which most people generally speak. Even those of us who are quite familiar with the joys of consensual spanking hold our secrets quite tightly outside our small circle of trusted friends.
There is, of course, the internet and the wonderful resources here. However, many people have yet to find their way. For those newly arriving and anyone else with an interest, I would like to present and discuss ten common myths about adult spanking.
- Effectiveness is related to severity - I believe that effectiveness depends far more upon what's happening inside the head of the recipient than anything that takes place at the opposite end. An effective spanking is one that produces a beneficial change in the spankee. That may, in some cases, necessitate a severe spanking. Often, however, a more moderate spanking, combined with encouraging words, expressions of caring, and appropriate aftercare will provide the greatest good for both partners.
- Wood hurts more than leather - I hear this phrase even from experienced spankos, but I think it's an unfair generalization. Granted, some wooden toys can be fierce. But they are no scarier than a bullwhip! On the other end of the spectrum, we own both leather and wooden toys that I consider to be pure joy. Many factors enter into the severity of a spanking. The material from which the implement is constructed is but one.
- Being dominant (or submissive) is a full time job - There are indeed couples who live their D/s on a 24 hour per day basis. However, there are other viable lifestyle options that can also work well. For example, some couples practice dominance and submission only at home or only during sessions. There is no single correct arrangement, except in the context of one couple's relationship.
- Erotic spanking is the first step along the path to domestic discipline - As with the previous point, this is but one of many alternatives. Some couples practice DD without erotic spanking. For others, it's the opposite. A third group partakes in both. Each couple must seek their own ideal mix.
- Spankees seek most of all to be humilated - I have read fictional stories where the big, bad dom yells, "Bare your fat ass, you stupid slut," or something even worse. There's probably a woman somewhere who gets off on that kind of talk, but I guarantee she is in the minority. I believe most of us who choose to submit do so out of love. We care for our partner and expect he will reciprocate in some fashion other than abusing us and beating us down. Earning submission is a honor. Taking it is a crime.
- A good spanking is one that can be felt the following day - My husband says this, but I still don't buy it. As I outlined above, a good spanking is one that brings about a positive change in the recipient. It might only hurt for ten minutes, but that may be all that is required.
- Spankings should be serious - Spanking, like almost everything else, is so much easier if you can laugh and see the humor sometimes. A trip over the knee is not quite like a trip to the gallows. Forget the executioner hood. It looks ridiculous.
- It's best to spank until the spankee cries - Some spankees cry before the first swat. Others, like me, almost never cry during a spanking. There are better signs for judging a spanking's therapeutic value. For example, when the spankee relaxes her muscles and struggles no more, it generally means she has accepted the gift being given her.
- Spanking solves most problems - No amount of spanking can repair a bad relationship. In fact, it might even exacerbate the situation. What spankings can do is open the channels of communication required to preserve and maintain a healthy relationship. But there is no magic bullet.
- Aftercare is a sign of weakness - The purpose of aftercare is to bring the spankee gently back to Earth following a very intense physical and emotional experience. There is a time to play the tough disciplinarian, but this isn't it. Aftercare is an opportunity to return to the role of trusted friend, tender lover, and loyal companion. It completes the cycle and makes the entire experience real.
Randy and I will be away for a few days with limited internet access. I hope to stop in, but if I don't, please know that I'll be missing all of you.